Since a blog is often a source of accountability and working out some complicated emotions, what better place to work out, well, working out?
I’ve never really been a gym person. I’m the master of excuses. My work has a great gym — though not in my building. You think this would mean that I have no more excuses, but you’d be wrong. Even though my employer affords me the opportunity to go workout in the middle of the day when I don’t have to worry about child care… somehow there is always a meeting, always a call, always a wardrobe inadequacy, always something less than optimal about going.
But since February, I thought I turned a page. I was on a business trip where I couldn’t sleep. Well, when you are up all night on the other side of the world with nothing to watch on TV and no more work waiting for you in your inbox, working out sounds like a fun way to pass the time. J. thoughtfully loaded up my iphone with music — which I hadn’t had before. It was like magic — in a gym at 6 am by myself and it was fun but also an emotional breakthrough. A counting crows song came on and even though I always liked it, I never paid attention to the lyrics. I don’t know if it was the lack of sleep, or loopy jet lag but I got all weepy about how I don’t want to waste my life and how I need to “put myself back on the list” (Oprah style).
The next day I went back to the gym. And the day after that. I hadn’t been to the gym 3 times in a row in probably 10 years. If I’m really being honest, I may have been to the gym 3 times the whole year prior. And probably not at all for 3 years before that. I vowed to keep up this momentum and make a go of real exercise 3 times a week. Preference is for gym, but Yoga will do when I just can’t get out of the house. I was doing pretty well with it all. While the wait wasn’t coming off, I could tell that I was at least carrying it differently. I would go on weekend mornings while J. would watch the kids, or after the kids went to sleep at night, and then I went to a yoga class during the work day.
But I’m sitting here a little freaked out because I haven’t been to the gym in a week. J. was gone for a week on business, but now he’s back. I did a half-assed yoga after having slept on my neck all wrong — still a little sore from that issue. (See, excuses?) The worst is when I actually get into workout clothes and still don’t make it into the gym. Which was today.
And I think I’m partly kicking myself because I know that you can’t out-train a bad diet. But it’s like I can either make the commitment to crazy unsustainable food fads (atkins anyone?) or more diligent exercise, but I can’t seem to do both. In the years that I did diets, I always kind of figured that once I actually get my ass in gear and make it to the gym, the weight will just melt off. Well, it hasn’t and I’m feeling frustrated.
Hope tomorrow will be better. Adding new tagging category: work-out.